Hahhahaha wow

Haven't posted in this goddamn thing in AWHILE. I should probably change that endearing password of mine that she made for this...hahhah.

Reading all those old entries puts me in a less than savory mood. I almost deleted this damn thing because of it. Not because they make me all nostalgic and sad now...fuck that. But...how lame was I? It's fucking embarrassing...not like anyone actually reads this shit, but even still...Christ, I was such a pussy back then. I'd totally beat the shit out of the me of several months ago for being such a whiny cunt. That, and it's amazing to me how much focus I put into something so infinitely trivial and pointless. It's hilarious how quickly and easily certain circumstances can completely change one's general outlook on the big picture. I can think of several events since the last time I've posted anything that have completely altered my perspectives and essentially made me a completely different (yet better, I feel) person. but I'm just too lazy to write about them right now. So I won't.

In fact, I don't think I'll put anything thought-provoking, artistic, philisophical, or even introspective...as is the usual trend with these blogs. No, I think I'll use it for a more fun, rudimentary and simplistic, yet equally rewarding purpose: To be antagonistic. To possibly piss people off. Why not? I spend so much time trying to be as good of a guy as I can when I walk out the door every day, and I think I do a pretty decent job in retrospect. Why not have an outlet for my pessimism and mean-spirited thoughts? Everyone has them. Why not be honest, and write about them...and hopefully all have a good laugh or two in the process?

So there it is folks. Instead of deleting this blog, I will effectively use it as a cestpool for all of my inner-misanthropy, irrational hatred and deprication and fill it with horrible things that I think are comedic. Plus, I think the direction this blog is taking will be hilariously ironic considering where it came from and what it once stood for. Today is a good day.


Some of the topics that may (or may not, so fuck you) be touched on are:

-Babies dying
-Mass slaughter of small animals as a food source...or just for sport, who cares.
-Beating up the elderly (a cost-effective form of euthanasia, in my opinion).
-Politics
-Hard drugs: Good or Great?
-Religion (or lack thereof)
-Satanic worship.
-Burning Jews.
-The zombie apocolypse
-The apocolypse in general.
-Shitty music.
-More on zombies.
-Heckling the disabled.
-Berating the ugly and obese.
-Laughing at pretentious hipsters and art-fags.
-Marijuana and it's many positive applications.
-How fucking stupid most females are.
-Everyone is full of shit.
-How to deal with idiots (i.e. the staggering majority).
-How much things actually suck, and learning to stop being a morose little bitch and make the best of it.
-Rednecks.
-Drinking and driving: Making your commute more entertaining with every swig.






Enjoy assholes.


Die alone,


Edward : )

"What a Terrible Night" indeed, Black Dahlia Murder...

(Or...The Night I Grew Up a Little More)

I figured that song by that band would be a funny addition to my MySpace profile in reference to how shitty my night actually was...

It wasn't suffered through in vain though...I think I had an epiphany, to be honest...and I did actually learn a new things about myself...nothing I'm remotely proud of. It seems as though I've been an oblivious hypocrite for quite some time now. It finally took none other than Blace blatantly telling me, giving specific and detailed examples of when, where, how, and why...for me to realize how much of a selfish asshole I've been toward my family, and even toward her (basically the people who matter most).
Nobody's ever spoken to me in such a way except for my parents...She just laid it out for me so smoothly, yet it was the same shit my parents have been trying to explain to me for a couple of years and I never really paid attention...
I have little regard for anyone else's agenda except my own.
I take every issue and narrow it into something on a personal level.
I don't like being told what to do.
I show little respect to the people who are most important to me.
I'm immature sometimes.
I have trouble verbalizing my feelings and would rather keep quiet and hold it in than try to express it logically and end up feeling stupid/risk sounding like an asshole.
I've been placing value in the wrong things lately, while neglecting the things that are truly important.
I'm sometimes too complacent/not assertive enough.
And once her words actually registered, I quite literally broke down into tears on the phone. How could I have been so fucking stupid? It all became appallingly clear to me. Now I'm aware of my biggest flaw, and I can assess the situation accordingly.
Only after I got off the phone with Blace did I realize something extremely comforting to me. She sets me straight, and lets me know these things because she cares about me. She tells me the same shit my parents tell me. My parents tell me because they care about me. They love me and want to see shit work out. Hence, she loves me too. What other girl would tell me straight up how much I've been fucking up? What other girl would even care about my problems one way or the other? I've never been in a relationship with anyone more caring than Blace...and now I'm even more positive that she's the one I spend the rest of my life with. It's a give and take thing though. Like she told me earlier, we both have to be positive influences on each other. If one of us starts fucking up, it's the other's responsibility to tell them and show them and set them straight. I'm sick of being a negative influence.

Blace, If you're reading. Know that I understand your issue with the way I've been. I'm really sorry. It's nothing you're going to have to deal with any longer. You'll definitely notice a difference here really soon. I promise <3

And just like that, I grew up just a little more...just wish it didn't have to come down to nearly losing my fiance in one night for me to finally figure that shit out.

for you, for me

Not a whole lot has been going on. There's work, which I actually kind of enjoy...sometimes. There's hanging out with my crazy, yet highly adept and gorgeous fiance. Hanging out with my friends. and just being happy...for the most part.

Work has been smooth, every one of my co-workers are cool as fuck. No grievances there. Got Chase a job where I work. We've been discussing starting a serious band. I more than enough song ideas and actual songs written, all we need are other committed, experienced musicians to play with. We'll see what happens.

Both my parents have the flu. I've been taking care of my mom during the day, picking her up from work early and stuff. My dad just started feeling it tonight. I hope they get better soon.

I may have found a steady dro connection. 10 bucks a gram....that's right....10 dollars...1 gram of dro. Sweet deal.

Purchased a box of Altoids a few hours ago. Blace says she'll make me something bad ass out of the tin.

Blace and I have actually been quarreling much more often than usual lately. Fucking sucks. I love her so much...but maybe it's true. Maybe my mom's right...maybe I'm actually an idiot, she's starting to realize it and get annoyed. It's like our personalities are clashing or something. She says I'm "too sensitive" and I take shit too personally. Maybe she's right. Maybe I do take things personally. I guess I am inherently a sensitive guy. I dunno. I never really used to be. But with her, I surely am. I'm not sure I can help it either. Maybe I should just start being a snide, selfish asshole and we wouldn't have fights anymore...Kidding. I'm incapable of doing such a thing anyway. Not in my nature. Who knows? I'm through worrying about it after tonight. It'll all be alright. I love her to death and that's really the most important thing.

Smoking weed.

And that's about all.


Good morning,

~Eddie

confusion???

Alright so I apparently I don't update this shit consistently enough. Well, that's because my life, much like most peoples, is fucking boring. Nevertheless, I'll write something:

So I've been promoted to assistant manager at ol' Heritage 1981. That's pretty sweet. My first ever authority position in any business environment. Hopefully I won't fuck things up, as I seem to be pretty good at doing that, whether I intend to or not. Nah, I have a pretty good feeling I'll be a fair, just, and all-around badass superior to a handful of nice kids. Plus I'll be getting a raise, more hours, and I can tell people to do stuff. Hooray.

On a more serious and morose note, I have a sneaking suspicion that my relationship with Blace, as beautiful and incredible as it once was, is taking a turn toward a place I really don't want to be. She's been so distant lately, everything annoys her. She doesn't want to spend as much time with me. Something is wrong and she fails to give me a straight answer about it.

It's all you.

Thanksgiving...

Throughout an entire year of uncertainty and doubt, the holidays are exactly what I needed to help me put things into perspective. I've come to the conclusion today that my father is absolutely right. All the conversations we've had about self-reliance have never made more sense until now. He's finally driven his point home, and it's so simple:

All you really need is yourself.


That's it. You cannot depend on anyone or anything. The only one who can certainly direct your life in a positive direction is YOU. Never mind your best friends, never mind your siblings, parents, or family...never mind your spouse/partner. Nevermind material possessions. Never mind religion and philosophy. In the end, you are all you have. Despite how good other people or outside influences make you feel for a time, your actions are all that truly matter, and you are all you need. Everything else is just stuff...volatile, unreliable stuff...and as much as you may think you need all of this stuff, in reality, you don't. All you need is you. Think about it.


Happy holidays.

COLLEGE WOW!

First Entry...technically.


I've never been huge on the whole blog thing, but OH WELL!

Nothing going on today really, just hanging out with Blace. I start work tomorrow...Heritage 1981. Retail. Go me. But hey, it's a job right? Right...
I've been driving my girlfriend to Denton for class in the mornings lately. She'll head off for an hour or two and get her "learn" on while I sit and dick around on MS Paint and smoke cigarettes. Yes, I'm a loser...for the time being. Being on campus and watching the bustle of students rushing to class or read over notes has kinda made me nostalgic. Dare I say it? I actually miss the academic environment. I realize that I'm not a complete imbecile, and the collegiate courses that I've completed and mustered up enough focus for I've made high marks in. It's all a matter of finance, as with everything. My folks won't help me, not because they refuse to, but because they simply cannot. So I'll have to work....hard...to put myself through school. So be it. Who wants to be a working stiff for the rest of their life? Not I!
On a more humorous note, since I've been posting up at Texas Women's University in the mornings, I've come to notice something pretty phenomenal. It seems that the vast majority of the young men and women to are enrolled here are noticeably overweight. Seriously. For every one slender to average sized girl I see on campus, I see at least four fat asses within the same fifty foot radius. It's unbelievable. They're not just your average run-of-the-mill fat chicks either, most of these people don't seem to believe in casual dress. It's like a society of morbidly obese people who only manufacture pajamas, basketball shorts, and sweats. Based on such observations, one can pose two very important questions: Where do these girls come from, and why do they all choose to enroll at the same school? It's like all the odd and eccentric girls who would get food thrown at them in the high school cafeteria collectively get together and go to TWU after graduation. Except my beautiful girlfriend....as I'm the only one allowed to throw food at her. Kidding. But yeah...I'm a dick for posting this, enjoy my rantings. Peace.

you said it best yourself

"Don't resist with your arms
like whips to strip the flesh from
my bones, because I'm only
alive when I can hold you close."

you are the love of my life.
my tiny gift to you.
i hope you use it.

yours forever and a day,
me