"What a Terrible Night" indeed, Black Dahlia Murder...

(Or...The Night I Grew Up a Little More)

I figured that song by that band would be a funny addition to my MySpace profile in reference to how shitty my night actually was...

It wasn't suffered through in vain though...I think I had an epiphany, to be honest...and I did actually learn a new things about myself...nothing I'm remotely proud of. It seems as though I've been an oblivious hypocrite for quite some time now. It finally took none other than Blace blatantly telling me, giving specific and detailed examples of when, where, how, and why...for me to realize how much of a selfish asshole I've been toward my family, and even toward her (basically the people who matter most).
Nobody's ever spoken to me in such a way except for my parents...She just laid it out for me so smoothly, yet it was the same shit my parents have been trying to explain to me for a couple of years and I never really paid attention...
I have little regard for anyone else's agenda except my own.
I take every issue and narrow it into something on a personal level.
I don't like being told what to do.
I show little respect to the people who are most important to me.
I'm immature sometimes.
I have trouble verbalizing my feelings and would rather keep quiet and hold it in than try to express it logically and end up feeling stupid/risk sounding like an asshole.
I've been placing value in the wrong things lately, while neglecting the things that are truly important.
I'm sometimes too complacent/not assertive enough.
And once her words actually registered, I quite literally broke down into tears on the phone. How could I have been so fucking stupid? It all became appallingly clear to me. Now I'm aware of my biggest flaw, and I can assess the situation accordingly.
Only after I got off the phone with Blace did I realize something extremely comforting to me. She sets me straight, and lets me know these things because she cares about me. She tells me the same shit my parents tell me. My parents tell me because they care about me. They love me and want to see shit work out. Hence, she loves me too. What other girl would tell me straight up how much I've been fucking up? What other girl would even care about my problems one way or the other? I've never been in a relationship with anyone more caring than Blace...and now I'm even more positive that she's the one I spend the rest of my life with. It's a give and take thing though. Like she told me earlier, we both have to be positive influences on each other. If one of us starts fucking up, it's the other's responsibility to tell them and show them and set them straight. I'm sick of being a negative influence.

Blace, If you're reading. Know that I understand your issue with the way I've been. I'm really sorry. It's nothing you're going to have to deal with any longer. You'll definitely notice a difference here really soon. I promise <3

And just like that, I grew up just a little more...just wish it didn't have to come down to nearly losing my fiance in one night for me to finally figure that shit out.